The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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