On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He passed out mid-signature
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
