Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
