I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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