I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Couch. On fire.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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