my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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