No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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