Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He felt like a one man threesome
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
