This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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