Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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