Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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