Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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