Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
