What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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