you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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