The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
