i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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