Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
