"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
