so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
