just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
