I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
