i barfeds in our rink
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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