So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
