i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
