I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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