My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
