so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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