Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
