If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize