I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
