My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
