Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
