Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
