Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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