you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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