She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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