My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
