90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize