My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
