hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
