do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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