bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
