I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think a kid would responsible me up
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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