just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
