Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We're too hungover to prance.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
