as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My penis needs a shock collar
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
