Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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