Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
