its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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