I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
please come you make the beer taste better
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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