I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
