The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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