Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
