He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
