i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
