come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
