You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
