CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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