I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
