Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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