This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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