i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
