you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
